I looked into the mirror above the small table. It was faint but I could see the picture clearly. It wasn't me in the picture. It was someone else.
"Pram, you come," said she as she approached me and hugged me.
"As I promised you," I responded and released her for I wanted to shake her father's hand.
I was all wet. It rained cats and dogs outside.
"You come under the rain just to see me singing. I don't know how to pay for it. May I cry?"
I laughed. "Don't overact like that. If someone special asked me to come, although there was a war, I should come."
She smiled. "You're flattering me."
That day she didn't win the singing contest, but she won my heart.
It was a freshmen party at my college when I first saw her. She was new student and I was the senate member.
It was normal that seniors dated juniors that time. Most of my friends broke their girlfriends as the orientation started and they didn't even feel guilty about it. I hadn't dated anyone since I was broken by my girlfriend in Senior high. I didn't believe in relationship ever since.
"Kak, sorry. I haven't put my photo on my profile page," she gave me the freshmen book. I opened it. There was no photo.
"What's your nickname?" I asked.
"Vita."
I didn't even look at her. "You know the risk. You'll be punished. Get out and stand in the middle of the field."
She walked out.
There were about forty students who got punishment. The punishment would make the other students green-eyed. It was delivering food out of town.
On our way I learned about her profile. There was much common between me and her. We both liked singing and acting.
Suddenly she surprised me with her offer. "Why don't we sing together?" said she while giving the microphone "Let's sing karaoke." I closed her freshmen book quickly.
I was shocked. Seniors and juniors were singing together at the bus. "This is not good," I thought. Juniors should be kept afraid of the seniors.
"Get back to your seat and sit still," said I coldly. I could see her disappointed. She murmured as she walked away.
That day we didn't talk again. I tried to avoid her. I chose to give the food to poor people in different community. On our way back to the campus I slept.
"Pram, I had flat tire," said she one morning.
"Where?"
"About two miles from here, after the intersection."
"Let me take care of it. Give me your motor key."
"Can I come with you?"
"You'd better go to your class. I'll take care of it."
"Please? I don't like my Poetry class. It's boring."
So we went to get her motorbike together. After we had it repaired, she asked me to drive her to the park. We spent whole day there.
In the campus a year after, I saw some Korean girls at the yard. They wore fashionable dress. They looked beautiful with their colorful hair. "Dangsin-eun bich ege haeyahabnikka?" asked one of them breaking my daydream.
"What?"
"Do you have a light?" she repeated.
I shook my head. "Are you from Japan?"
"Nope. We're from South Korea. We're here to study about the leather puppet and Gamelan. Boy, I should go. I need to get a light. I can't live without smoking."
What a beautiful smoking girl she was.
The Korean students stayed for three months in my campus. Professor Susanto often asked me to accompany them to go to Balai Pemuda to watch a puppet show. I got to know them better, including the beautiful smoking girl. Because I was busy with the activity I didn't have time to date Vita, my girlfriend (or I thought so), until one day she came to see me at the senate room. My friends went away as she entered the room.
"You've changed," said she. She looked mad. She looked out of the window.
"What did I do?"
"You smoke, you drink, you... You've changed! You never come to my house ever since you have new friends."
I couldn't say anything. I didn't want to hear those peacee things coming out of her mouth. "Then, you have to change," I replied.
I felt that there was nothing between I and her.
That day I saw her left and sobbed.
I didn't know why I forgot that I had ridden under the rain to see her performance at a singing contest.
"I think it's over," said I finally.
She walked out and never came back.
As the summer's gone there's always autumn. I spent my time lonely as my Korean friends got back to their countries. I had no friend to play Bridge with late at night like usual in weekends. I had no friend to joke and laugh on or to go to a barbershop to get new hairdo. It was the real me: all alone.
Then I remembered that I had had a girlfriend, but I couldn't call her. We hadn't talked each other for a quite a long time.
I walked to the mirror on the wall. It was still faint. I saw a young man with colorful hair and mascara. I could feel the warm tears coming on my cheeks. I felt hundreds of knives stabbing into my heart. It was hurt.
I met Vita every day and we didn't try to avoid each other. I still felt the sensation when she passed me, but she didn't even look at me.
I texted her. "Forgive me". No replies.
I cried when I was alone. I could not forgive my self for leaving her. Until now when we passed each other I couldn't walk with straight head.
